Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
