i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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