so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
