I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
i think i scared a bird with my dick
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
