Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
