u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
We need to get me chipped asap
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
