I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
