i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
