If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
