They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
