I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
