He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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