also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
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