You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
