Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
