His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
