How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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