Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
