I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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