You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
