Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Randomize
