apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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