he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
