Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
