So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
