I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
