Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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