U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
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