i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
