I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
