We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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