i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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