hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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