think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
