it was like his penis was on wheels.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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