New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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