She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
