the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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