Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
