This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize