i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
This is the high leading the old right now
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
