Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
