i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
