There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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