today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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