Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
