that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
We were destined to go to rehab together
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
