I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Plan B is the new Plan A
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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