Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
