So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
