I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
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