if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
