Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
