we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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