Can i not drive my cunt home
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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