just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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