toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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