Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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