i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
