Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
