what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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