I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
