No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize