I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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