billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
