Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Drunk is not a location!
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize